Stop Being “Nice” and Start Being Clear - Your Leadership Language is Undermining Your Teams Performance
One of the most common frustrations I hear from leaders in executive coaching sessions is their
struggle with maintaining authority while staying likable. They don't want to be seen as harsh or
authoritarian, so they soften their language, make their expectations sound like suggestions,
and avoid direct feedback. Then, a few months later, they're irritated and exhausted because
their team isn't performing as expected.
Let'sbe clear—this is a leadership problem, not a team problem.
The Real Issue: Your Language Is the Problem
Many leaders believe that being approachable and well-liked means softening their
communication. They say things like:
"It would be great if you could prioritize this."
"Let's try to be more mindful of deadlines."
"Maybe we should think about having more structured one-on-ones."
This kind of language is vague, non-committal, and easy to ignore. It sounds optional.
Employees hear it and think, Okay, that's a nice-to-have, not a must-do. And then leaders
wonder why deadlines are missed, feedback is disregarded, and team members aren't
improving.
What's harsh is setting people up for failure by not being direct. When we aren't clear about
what expectations are expected to be executed, we create a guessing game that leads to
performance issues, frustration, and wasted time.
Authority Does Not Equal Harshness
Somewhere along the way, we started equating authoritative leadership with being mean,
demanding, or rigid. That's not true. Using clear, firm, and direct messaging doesn't equate to
dictator vibes—it means setting people up for success.
Here's how strong leaders communicate expectations:
✅ "I expect you to have a structured one-on-one with each team member every two weeks. We
will review the format next Monday."
✅ "Moving forward, all project updates must be submitted by Friday at 3 PM. This is non-
negotiable."
✅ "You must take ownership of resolving client escalations. If there are roadblocks, bring them
to me immediately."
✅ "The team is working in the office on Tuesday and Wednesday, and we will kick off the meeting
at 9 am."
Clarity creates alignment. When employees know exactly what's expected of them, there's no
room for confusion. And when we, as leaders, consistently enforce those expectations, we
eliminate the frustration that comes with unmet assumptions.
Stop Making Your Frustration Their Fault
The cycle is predictable: Leaders hesitate to set firm expectations → Teams don't meet
expectations → Leaders get frustrated → Employees are blindsided by negative feedback.
It's not fair. Your team can't meet expectations you never clearly set. If you find yourself
frequently disappointed with the performance, ask yourself:
Have I clearly stated what I expect?
Have I reinforced the importance of those expectations?
Have I provided direct feedback when expectations weren't met?
If the answer is no, then the problem isn't your team—it's your leadership approach.
The Fix: Be Clear, Be Consistent, and Own Your Authority
There is no time for Suggestive Language. Replace it with Directive Language – Say what you expect and when.
Hold People Accountable – Check in regularly, reinforce expectations, and address non-compliance immediately.
Stop Apologizing for Being Clear – Setting expectations isn't mean; it's leadership.
When leaders stop prioritizing likability over clarity, everything changes. Expectations become
clear, teams perform better, and workplace frustration fades. The real question isn't how I stay
likable while leading.
How do I lead effectively so my team respects and trusts me?
The answer: Be transparent. Be direct. And lead in your role as a leader.
